[I wrote this right after my first child was born. It's amazing how things have changed since I wrote this.]
I have never been this tired in my life. I wake up in the morning, and grunt as I bring myself to a sitting position. The same thing always runs through my waking mind."I don't want to wake up yet!" I say to myself.I shove the blanket aside, as if to yell at them. They don't argue with me.
I have never been this tired in my life. I wake up in the morning, and grunt as I bring myself to a sitting position. The same thing always runs through my waking mind."I don't want to wake up yet!" I say to myself.I shove the blanket aside, as if to yell at them. They don't argue with me.
I walk through the kitchen and grab Marlee's 11 ounce AVENT bottle off the dish drainer. No baby I've ever met drinks an 11 ounce bottle. The only reason it dwells here is because it was on sale for 2 dollars at K-Mart. (That's right, I'm cheap) I fill the bottle up with 8 ounces of formula, make my way to Marlee's room almost sleep walking. I set the bottle down on the end table. It seems to be more routine than anything else now. I swear that half the time I AM sleep walking.
I open the door to my daughter's room. This is the exact point in time that my exhaustion is overcome by humor. Marlee is standing up at the side of the crib and looks up at me with those bright sapphire eyes of hers. I can't help but to smile ear to ear. It's hard not to with that face of hers. She looks just like her Daddy. There's no denying that.
I hold her in my arms as she squirms to get away. I lay her down on the ottoman and put her in a fresh diaper. Babies have it so easy. She drinks her bottle, leaving one or two ounces at the bottom, and I sit her on the floor. She crawls to the coffee table, and pulls herself up. She goes for the first thing she sees. Uncle Jay's phone. I immediately remove his Dr.Pepper off the table, along with his keys, hat, and cell phone. I put his soda in the fridge, and brew myself a LARGE pot of coffee. While the coffee is brewing I break open 2-3 eggs and scramble them.
As I sit down to eat my breakfast and drink my coffee, I look over, and Marlee is standing in front of my brother who is sleeping on the couch. She grabs the afghan that he is using to keep himself warm and reveals his face. His mouth is wide open and he is making some noises that I would not categorize as snoring. She raises her arms and bangs on his face like a drum.
As hilarious as it appears, it's 10:00 in the morning. My brother is the kind of guy who stays up all night and sleeps all day. If I were him, I would be absolutely livid. However, he opens his eyes, and greets her with a smile.He says, "Hi Marlee Pants! Good morning babes!!"I laugh out loud as she continues to giggle while she drums on his chest. I swear she is going to be a musician. Sometimes Jay goes back to sleep. Today, he wakes up and grabs Marlee. She squeals in excitement as he dances around the kitchen with her in his arms. He is going to make a wonderful daddy someday. I've never doubted that.
My husband is already at work for the day. I look at the clock, and realize only an hour has passed. This hurts my feelings. Time is precious, and I understand that, but some days, I wish I could just push the FF>> button on the remote control. I want James to be here. I shrug my shoulders and get up to pour myself another cup of coffee. My first cup was overpowered with cream, so I try my hardest to ease it in this time.
Perfect. I place Marlee in her play pen (which is simply another word for jail) and make my way outside to have the first cigarette of the day. I sit down on the chair and grab my pack of Marlboro Lights. I snatch my pink BIC off the table and flick it, creating instant fire."Ahhh! Nicotine and coffee. The best combination in the world!"The thought of sitting here all day drinking coffee and chain smoking crosses my mind, but is quickly diminished by the ringing of my cell phone...
Flashback :: Three years ago.
I am in high school, and the only thing that matters to me is my GPA and where the party is at this weekend. I wake up at 6:00 in the morning to the sound of that annoying ass alarm clock on my right. I hit snooze about 3 or 4 times, only to realize that it only makes the act of waking that much more difficult. I stumble out of bed and realize I wish I were back underneath the covers, so I take them off the bed and bring them with me. I grab some towels from the linen closet, and walk down the hall to the bathroom. I run the water til it's nice and toasty warm.
I shuffle through clothes to find something to wear. After trying on almost everything I own, I put on my make-up and jewelry, and make my way out into the hallway again. A quick glance into my mom's room reminds me that I need to say goodbye. I sneak in there and kiss her on the forehead."I'm leaving mom, I'll see you later. I love you!" I exclaim."I love you too!" she says sleepily.
I am in the middle of putting my shoes on when I realize that I should probably call Niki and Kat and make sure they are almost ready, because clearly, I am. My hand immediately dives into my purse and passes my phone completely. I grab my Newport box instead. I take the lighter out of my pocket and put it up to my cigarette."Instant fire!" I think, as I flip open my phone."I can't remember who is supposed to drive today."
I go to my recent calls, and Kat is obviously first on the list. I talked to her all night last night. It's funny how you can talk about nothing, and everything all at the same time. Making it last for hours. We three are the best. Hands down. Nobody can prove me wrong. At least, they haven't yet. Kat is probably not even ready yet, so I skip down to Niki instead. I push SEND and let it ring...
